Holiday gift guide

for the disgruntled academics we know and love ('22 edition!)

Hello darlings!

Welcome to the second annual #MHAWS gift guide for academics and the people who love them!

Here’s the list of things that I’ve carefully collected all year long just to write this guide for you, my darling academic friends. Feel free to share it with your partners, friends, family, frenemies! Nothing is sponsored. But, ya know, if you are a cool brand reading this and want to sponsor me, let’s talk.

I want you to ask yourself: does your academic want to be productive, adventurous, or cozy? Because I want to be ALL THREE AT ONCE and so I’ve created a gift guide for each of these!

(Don’t know which one best fits your academic? Emily Farris suggested I make a quiz! So here’s a MFing Buzzfeed Quiz for you to take so you can tell your loved ones which gift guide below to focus on!!)

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Does your academic: Dim the lights? Burrow into a cozy sweater? Put their hands around a mug of hot tea and smell it and sigh? Sleep in on the weekends? Hide in the bedroom? Avoid leaving the house during vacations for days on end? Avoid all people? Dream of living out in the woods, alone, for years?

Then your academic wants to be COZY

As your academic creates the ultimate cozy environment full of warm blankets and mood lighting and warm tea pots, they are going to want to have SNACKS. An advent calendar full of treats might do the trick or maybe these fun chocolates or this snack mix! Part of being cozy is that other people leave you the fuck alone, so maybe your academic needs a sign, a desk plate, or a shirt that conveys this message.

Your academic is going to want to physically FEEL cozy, so how about a blanket shirt, some cashmere joggers, a sweatshirt, or gripper slippers?

Did you know that academics don’t get enough sleep? How about helping your academic build their hibernation cave with a sound machine, new linen sheets, or this wicked cozy heated throw?

Want to get your academic something small that makes them feel very hygge? How about some tea, soap, or socks?

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Does your academic… want to write all the time? Do they grumble about meetings and emails? Do they look forward to every break so they can work on their research? Do they sneak away to spend time in the office? It isn’t that they hate you (or, uh, probably not) but they just love their research more.

Then your academic wants to be PRODUCTIVE!

Productive academics NEED (ahem, I promise) gadgets to help them! So get them a Remarkable (yes, two years in a row on the list! DM me to get a code for $ off!), a multi-device keyboard, or a lap desk. For the special old-school academic who loves to still write with pen and paper, a pen advent calendar is the ultimate “I see you and your weirdness and I still love you” gift.

Does your academic struggle with distractions? (Does a bear shit in the woods? ← my annual holiday gift guide joke! You are welcome) Then get them pro version of the forest app, a distraction-free button, a timer for Pomadoros, or noise-canceling headphones.

Your academic might also have lots of people asking them to do dumbass shit, which directly damages their productivity! So how about some reminders to put themselves first in the form of a coffee cup, a punch card, stickers, or art?

Maybe your academic would rather spend their time on thinking big thoughts than trying to figure out what to wear every day. Help them out with a capsule wardrobe consult, an Able 360 club, a stitchfix box, or just buy them a rothy’s gift card.

Want to get your academic something small that makes them feel very effective? How about laptop sleeve, a personalized notepad for to-do lists, or some fun socks?

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Is your academic… always booking their next trip? Focused on getting status on an airline? Unpacking to pack again? Excited about conferences in 2024 and 2025? Mapping out the best airline clubs? Running away from all their responsibilities? (not you. They definitely aren’t running away from you).  

Then your academic wants to be ADVENTUROUS

Adventurous academics want high-quality gear to take with them to other places. That includes my favorite Osprey suitcase (which successfully took me through 6 weeks abroad this summer!), travel cubes, and a good powerbank.

Your academic needs to hydrate and caffeinate as they traverse the world! So get them a fun campfire mug, a great collapsible cup, or a personalized yeti. Be sure to put something like “SPITE” on the Yeti so your academic really knows you know and love them.

Your academic wants to be able to feel fancy on their trips, so they need nice stuff in small containers! Some really fancy perfumes in sample sizes, or a super fucking fancy advent calendar or this gift set filled with samples of delightful goods will do the trick. Or get them these intriguing travel containers!

Want to get your academic something small that makes them feel very daring? How about some instant coffee that actually tastes good, a shampoo bar (fewer liquids!), or compression socks?

That’s all I’ve got! (Lies - I have hundreds more links saved. But this is a *curated* list.) If you are a social media person, I’m trying out Mastodon and you can find me there at @Prof_Mirya@mastodon.social.

XOXOX

Mirya