Forward motion only

Hello darlings!

How the hell is everyone doing? I hope each and every one of you is fucking thriving! I’ve been off despairing at the state of the world, going on amazing writing retreats in Mexico, going to cool conferences, finishing books, being sad about the world, and writing writing writing.

One thing I did was to finish a project that I’d been working on for a really long time that just needed a LITTLE work. Like, 5 fucking hours of work. I did it. And finished it. And immediately began beating myself up about how I should have just put that time in on the project in the fall or a year ago or two years ago. Why didn’t I just fucking DO it. Lying awake thinking about the emails I’ve haven’t sent, the papers I haven’t submitted, the grants I haven’t applied for, the people I haven’t reach out to, the jobs I haven’t finished. I know I’m not alone in this because people tell me all the time about how they should have just done X or Y or why didn’t they just submit that paper? Failures all of us.

So here’s to us, those haunted by the past. Let’s fucking get over ourselves!

Forward motion only

Many of you know that I have an exceedingly cute, sweet, and uh, stupid dog Lambeaux. Lambeaux has a lot of rules (Some of them are: Sleep a lot, be happy, the puppy does NOT get more treats, dogs must wear leashes outside the yard). One of my favorites is that Lambeaux is a forward motion only little bebe – you get to the end of the walk and he doesn’t want to turn around. FORWARD motion.

When I start to tailspin into a lil tornado of shoulda coulda wouldas, I try to channel my inner Lambeaux. Forward motion only. What can I do today for tomorrow? How can I work to change my patterns so I don’t do this shit? Don’t wait until the email is perfect – send partial info and let them get back to you. Figure out a system to work through whatever is the worst of whatever project – maybe that’s external accountability, a reward, a punishment (only if you are absolutely sure that is what works for you).

Don’t trip over what’s behind you

My friend Melody has an amazing child Lila who has picked as her personal motto “Don’t trip over what’s behind you.” My mind was blown when Melody told me this – what a concept? What if I don’t spend my entire life tenderly moving as if my past mistakes were on the path in front of me? What if… hear me out… we stop letting our past mistakes cling to our ankles, bringing us down?

Regrets are powerful because they help us correct our past behavior. But that is powerful only to the extend that we learn and grow from those behaviors and then move the fuck on with our lives. Lift your feet up and stop tripping.

Do what works

Tressie recently posted:

Step one: wake up and mind your business
Step two: dress like you matter but not too much
Step three: do what works
Step four: only do what works
Step five: do it every day

Okay, right. Tattooing it on me. Why does this work?

Tread a known path. Do what you know over and over again in a way that produces good for you, not mistakes. That way, you know the path and your past mistakes are less likely to trip you up. You KNOW where the hazards are and can prepare yourself for them.

Get the right equipment. Tressie says dress how you like. I say, get some good fucking shoes. And by good shoes, I mean – create a world where your base is stable and reliable and causes you no drama whatsoever. Make a good space to work. Find your coven. Cultivate a group of those who are the same mission as you.

Know what works. And that means paying attention to why things work and don’t work. But Mirya! You just said forward motion only. I KNOW. I contain multitudes. But seriously – we can’t avoid repeating past mistakes, we can’t do good work if we don’t examine what worked and what did not and do more of the shit that works and less of the shit that does not.

Make good choices. The amazing thing about this life is that we get to wake up every day and choose what we do. What we spend time on. Who we spend our time with. How we take time off. Choose wisely. Stop doing shit you hate. Start doing shit you love.

Every day. You heard me.

You are capable of choosing your life

In Mornings at Blackwater, Mary Oliver tells us:

So today: challenge your inner Mary Oliver, channel your inner Tressie, your inner Lila, your inner Lambeaux. Move forward. Don’t trip over what’s behind you. Do what works. Choose what that will be.

XOXOX

Mirya