2025 gift guide

Your guiding light

Hello darlings –

It’s that time again! That’s right – all year long, I save items that I think would make good gifts for all the academics I know and love. Here are the fruits of my labor. This year, our guide is guided (lol) by the stars… an *astrological* gift guide! (want more? all the previous years guides are available!)

Let’s cover the don’ts first:

Don’t know your star sign? Cool. Sign up for Chani.

Don’t believe in astrology? Cool. Me either. But I also don’t believe in the stock market and/or billionaires, and here we are. Suspend belief. Or just pick something that sounds like you!

Don’t believe I know what I’m talking about? Cool. Me either.

Don’t feel like spending money on shit when everything sucks in the world? Cool. Me either. Donate! I’m giving to a food bank, an LGBTQ organization, an abortion provider, and a Palestinian relief organization.

Water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces)

Your water signs are artsy, nurturing, emotional (wrecks, sometimes) folks that appreciate both gifts that show you have been paying attention and ones that will help ground them. These gifts want to say I SEE YOU (but not, like, in a creepy way, okay). A crafting project, like embroidery (or this one!), paint by numbers, a beading kit, or a craft of the month club might be the ticket. Or give them a gift that gives back because you KNOW they care about the world

Get your Cancer the ultimate academic treat bag for staying at home: a new fun coffee maker, a coffee bean club a delightful new mug, some chocolate, all in a fun new tote (embroider it with their name or an insider saying like “Coven-lovin”)

Get your Scorpio something high end and custom – fancy stationary, a nice pen, or a journal that screams “I see you with your big ideas, your doodles, your drawings, your love letters and I want MORE.”

Get your Pisces luxury for their relaxation – a new fancy alarm clock, a delightful calming lamp, a new set of pajamas, a water bottle cover, and a silk pillowcase

Air (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius)

Your air sign makes a great academic! They are the thinkers, the writers, and the social butterflies (but maybe not all at once!). Get them fancy new planners, to do lists, a stendig calendar, and how about an old fashioned rolodex for all the people they know?

Your Gemini is probably a READER and loves to be surrounded by books. Get them a rare edition of a favorite book or a couch caddy or plane tickets to go visit their favorite place in a novel.

For your Libra: they want soft, comfortable, and romantic gifts. Think: a cashmere wrap to wear in their way-too-cold office, a new pair of slippers, and a new fun perfume set

For your Aquarius, get them all the gadgets! A new fancy charger, a new portable speaker, and woah, what if they could drop a projector down and force everyone to watch their newest slide deck?

Earth (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn)

Your Earth signs are an intriguing mix of practical and materialistic. They want things that serve a purpose in their life but also NICE things that serve a purpose. Earth signs want physical gifts that will remind them you care – don’t you dare give them an electronic gift card! They might want one of the hottest gifts this year: one of the new /old school cameras, a new Oura ring (to remind them to get the fuck up and walk around) might be just the thing, some new boots, or a heated throw blanket. You might think about getting your earth sign something to wear to their favorite coffee shop, library, bakery, or show (+ plan a date to go with them!)

Get your Virgo everything to help with productivity! A new Remarkable, a laptop stand, a fancy desk lamp, or a Brick. Want to go big? How about a Vestaboard?

Get your Capricorn classy gifts. What about a new nice laptop bag? A fancy card holder for their ID card? Or how about a new fancy clicker (in gold, obvi)

Get your Taurus a practical – but fun – gift like a pickle car hat or the TOTM (tote of the moment). How about a really nice silk shirt or vintage broach?

Fire signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius)

Your fire sign has lots of big energy and is perpetually big mad at the fact that they have to work a) at all and b) in a patriarchal and racist system. Help them cope – get them some fancy stickers to look at or fidget toys to click when they have to go to a department meeting or a retreat. Spoil them when they do escape with a new luggage set, headphones, cheeky charger, or a do it yourself fun amenity kit for their time on the plane

For your Aries: a lovely cactus in a fun cheeky planter for their office that they are mad they haven’t retired from quite yet, plus a seal of disapproval. Plus a savings bond, tucked in there to facilitate that retirement.

For your Leo: Your Leo loves drama (whether they want to admit it or not), so get them a nice new chair for folks to sit in their office while they gossip after the meeting, a cart full of snacks to lure folks in, and a new fancy keyboard to write all their gossip up on their favorite platform. A desk-dumpster on fire might be just the thing to bring a little levity to the situation.

For your Sagittarius: something wildly inappropriate to hang on their wall or for them to wear under their professional clothes or maybe embroider this w a cryptic saying (GTFOHWTBS, perhaps?)

That’s it! I hope you have a homey, healthy, and very very happy holidays.

XOXOX

Mirya